[commencement speech] Stephen Colbert @Knox college

Stephen Colbert’s Address to the Graduates

By Stephen Colbert, AlterNet. Posted June 5, 2006.

The following is the full transcript of Stephen Colbert’s June 3, 2006, Commencement Address at Knox College in Galesburg, Illinois.

Stephen Colbert [Pours water into a glass at the podium, splashes face and back of neck] …

Thank you. Thank you very much. First of all, I’m facing a little bit of a conundrum here. My name is Stephen Colbert, but I actually play someone on television named Stephen Colbert, who looks like me, and who talks like me, but who says things with a straight face he doesn’t mean. And I’m not sure which one of us you invited to speak here today. So, with your indulgence, I’m just going to talk, and I’m going to let you figure it out.

I wanted to say something about the Umberto Eco quote that was used earlier from “The Name of the Rose.” That book fascinated me because in it these people are killed for trying to get out of this library a book about comedy, Aristotle’s commentary on comedy. And what’s interesting to me is one of the arguments they have in the book is that comedy is bad because nowhere in the New Testament does it say that Jesus laughed. It says Jesus wept, but never did he laugh.

But, I don’t think you actually have to say it for us to imagine Jesus laughing. In the famous episode where there’s a storm on the lake, and the fishermen are out there. And they see Jesus on the shore, and Jesus walks across the stormy waters to the boat. And St. Peter thinks, “I can do this. I can do this. He keeps telling us to have faith and we can do anything. I can do this.” So he steps out of the boat and he walks for — I don’t know, it doesn’t say — a few feet, without sinking into the waves. But then he looks down, and he sees how stormy the seas are. He loses his faith and he begins to sink. And Jesus hot-foots it over and pulls him from the waves and says, “Oh you of little faith.” I can’t imagine Jesus wasn’t suppressing a laugh. How hilarious must it have been to watch Peter — like Wile E. Coyote — take three steps on the water and then sink into the waves.

Well it’s an honor to be giving your commencement address here today at Knox College. I want to thank Mr. Podesta for asking me two, two and a half years ago, was it? Something like that? We were in Aspen. You know being people who go to Aspen. He asked me if I would give a speech at Knox College, and I think it was the altitude, but I said yes. I’m very glad that I did.

On a beautiful day like this I’m reminded of my own graduation 20 years ago, at Northwestern University. I didn’t start there, I finished there. On the graduation day, a beautiful day like this. We’re all in our gowns. I go up on the podium to get my leather folder with my diploma in it. And as I get it from the dean, she leans in close to me and she smiles, and she says [train whistle] that’s my ride, actually. I have got to get on that train, I’m sorry. [Heads off stage.] Evidently that happens a lot here. So, I’m getting my folder, and the dean leans into me, shakes my hand and says, “I’m sorry.” I have no idea what she means. So I go back to my seat and I open it up. And, instead of having a diploma inside, there’s a scrap — a torn scrap of paper — that has scrawled on it, “See me.” I kid you not.

Evidently I had an incomplete in an independent study that I had failed to complete. And I did not have enough credits. And, let me tell you, when your whole family shows up and you get to have your picture taken with them — and instead of holding up your diploma, you hold the torn corner of a yellow legal pad — that is a humbling experience. But eventually, I finished. I got my credits and next year at Christmas time, they have mid-year graduation. And I went there to get my diploma then. They said that I had an overdue library fine and they wouldn’t give it to me again. And they eventually mailed it to me I think. I’m pretty sure I graduated from college.

But I guess the question is, why have a two-time commencement loser like me speak to you today? Well, one of the reasons they already mentioned I recovered from that slow start. And I was recently named by Time magazine one of the 100 Most Influential People in the World! Yeah! Give it up for me! Basic cable THE WORLD! I guess I have more fans in sub-Saharan Africa than I thought. I’m right here on the cover between Katie Couric and Bono. That’s my little picture — a sexy little sandwich between those two.

But if you do the math, there are 100 Most Influential People in the World. There are 6.5 billion people in the world. That means that today I am here representing 65 million people. That’s as big as some countries. What country has about 65 million people? Iran? Iran has 65 million people. So, for all intents and purposes, I’m here representing Iran today. Don’t shoot.

But the best reason for me to come to speak at Knox College is that I attended Knox College. This is part of my personal history that you will rarely see reported. Partly because the press doesn’t do the proper research. But mostly because it is not true! I just made it up, so this moment would be more poignant for all of us. How great would it be if I could actually come back here — if I was coming back to my alma mater to be honored like this. I could share with you all my happy memories that I spent here in Galesburg, Illinois. Hanging out at the Seymour Hall, right? Seymour Hall? You know, all of us alumni, we remember being at Seymour Hall, playing those drinking games. We played a drinking game called Lincoln-Douglas. Great game. What you do is, you act out the Lincoln-Douglas debate and any time one of the guys mentions the Dred Scott decision, you have to chug a beer. Well, technically three-fifths of a beer. [groans from audience]

You DO have a good education! I wasn’t sure if anybody was going to get that joke.

I soon learned that a frat house — oops — divided against itself cannot stand.

How can I forget cheering on the team — the Knox College Knockers? The Prairie Fire. Seriously, the Prairie Fire. Your team is named after something that can get you federal disaster relief. I assume the “Flash Floods” was taken.

Oh, yes, the memories are so fresh. It was as if it was just yesterday I made them up. And the history, you don’t have to tell me the history of Knox College. No, your website is very thorough. The college itself has long been known for its diversity. I am myself a supporter of diversity. I myself have an interracial marriage. I am Irish and my wife is Scottish. But we work it out. And it is fitting, most fitting, that I should speak at Knox College today because it was founded by abolitionists. And I gotta say — I’m going to go out on the limb here — I believe slavery was wrong. No, I don’t care who that upsets. I just hope the mainstream media give me the credit for the courage it took to say that today. I know the blogosphere is just going to explode tomorrow. But enough about me. If there can be enough about me.

Today is about you — you who have worked so hard to pack your heads with learning until your skulls are all plump like — sausage of knowledge. It’s an apt metaphor, don’t question it. But now your time at college is at an end. Now you are leaving here. And this leads me to a question that just isn’t asked enough at commencements. Why are you leaving here?

This seems like a very nice place. They have a lovely website. Besides, have you seen the world outside lately? They are playing for KEEPS out there, folks. My God, I couldn’t wait to get here today just so I could take a breather from the real world. I don’t know if they told you what’s happened while you’ve matriculated here for the past four years. The world is waiting for you people with a club. Unprecedented changes happening in the last four years. Like globalization. We now live in a hyperconnected, global economic, outsourced society. Now there are positives and minuses here. And a positive is that globalization helps us understand and learn from otherwise foreign cultures. For example, I now know how to ask for a Happy Meal in five different languages. In Paris, I’d like a “Repas Heureux.” In Madrid a “Comida Feliz.” In Calcutta, a “Kushkana, hold the beef.” In Tokyo, a “Happy Seto” And in Berlin, I can order what is perhaps the least happy-sounding Happy Meal, a “Glugzig Malzeiht.”

Also globalization, email, cell phones interconnect our nations like never before. It is possible for even the most insulated American to have friends from all over the world. For instance, I recently received an email asking me to help a deposed Nigerian prince who is looking for a business partner to recuperate his fortune. Thanks to the flexibility of global banking, a Swiss bank account is ready and waiting for my share of his money. I know, because I just emailed him my Social Security number.

Unfortunately for you job seekers, corporations searching for a better bottom line have moved many of their operations overseas, whether it’s a customer service operator, a power factory foreman, or an American flag manufacturer. They’re just as likely to be found in Shanghai as Omaha. In fact, outsourcing is so easy that I had this speech today written by a young man named Panjeeb from Bangalore.

If you don’t like the jokes, I assure you they were much funnier in Urdu

And when you enter the work force, you will find competition from those crossing our all-too-poorest borders. Now I know you’re all going to say, “Stephen, Stephen, immigrants built America.” Yes, but here’s the thing — it’s built now. I think it was finished in the mid-70s sometime. At this point it’s a touch-up and repair job. But thankfully Congress is acting and soon English will be the official language of America. Because if we surrender the national anthem to Spanish, the next thing you know, they’ll be translating the Bible. God wrote it in English for a reason! So it could be taught in our public schools.

So we must build walls. A wall obviously across the entire southern border. That’s the answer. That may not be enough — maybe a moat in front of it, or a fire-pit. Maybe a flaming moat, filled with fire-proof crocodiles. And we should probably wall off the northern border as well. Keep those Canadians with their socialized medicine and their skunky beer out. And because immigrants can swim, we’ll probably want to wall off the coasts as well. And while we’re at it, we need to put up a dome, in case they have catapults. And we’ll punch some holes in it so we can breathe. Breathe free. It’s time for illegal immigrants to go — right after they finish building those walls. Yes, yes, I agree with me.

There are so many challenges facing this next generation, and as they said earlier, you are up for these challenges. And I agree, except that I don’t think you are. I don’t know if you’re tough enough to handle this. You are the most coddled generation in history. I belong to the last generation that did not have to be in a car seat. You had to be in car seats. I did not have to wear a helmet when I rode my bike. You do. You have to wear helmets when you go swimming, right? In case you bump your head against the side of the pool. Oh, by the way, I should have said, my speech today may contain some peanut products.

My mother had 11 children: Jimmy, Eddie, Mary, Billy, Morgan, Tommy, Jay, Lou, Paul, Peter, Stephen. You may applaud my mother’s womb. Thank you, I’ll let her know. She could never protect us the way you all have been protected. She couldn’t fit 11 car seats. She would just open the back of her Town & Country — stack us like cord wood: four this way, four that way. And she put crushed glass in the empty spaces to keep it steady. Then she would roll up all the windows in the winter time and light up a cigarette. When I die I will not need to be embalmed, because as a child my mother hickory-smoked me.

I mean even these ceremonies are too safe. I mean this mortarboard look, it’s padded. It’s padded everywhere. When I graduated from college, we had the edges sharpened. When we threw ours up in the air, we knew some of us weren’t coming home.

But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you. Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don’t understand why we’re here helping and honoring them. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots.

But you seem nice enough, so I’ll try to give you some advice. First of all, when you go to apply for your first job, don’t wear these robes. Medieval garb does not instill confidence in future employers — unless you’re applying to be a scrivener. And if someone does offer you a job, say yes. You can always quit later. Then at least you’ll be one of the unemployed as opposed to one of the never-employed. Nothing looks worse on a resume than nothing.

So, say “yes.” In fact, say “yes” as often as you can. When I was starting out in Chicago, doing improvisational theatre with Second City and other places, there was really only one rule I was taught about improv. That was, “yes-and.” In this case, “yes-and” is a verb. To “yes-and.” I yes-and, you yes-and, he, she or it yes-ands. And yes-anding means that when you go onstage to improvise a scene with no script, you have no idea what’s going to happen, maybe with someone you’ve never met before. To build a scene, you have to accept. To build anything onstage, you have to accept what the other improviser initiates on stage. They say you’re doctors — you’re doctors. And then, you add to that: We’re doctors and we’re trapped in an ice cave. That’s the “-and.” And then hopefully they “yes-and” you back. You have to keep your eyes open when you do this. You have to be aware of what the other performer is offering you, so that you can agree and add to it. And through these agreements, you can improvise a scene or a one-act play. And because, by following each other’s lead, neither of you are really in control. It’s more of a mutual discovery than a solo adventure. What happens in a scene is often as much a surprise to you as it is to the audience.

Well, you are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what’s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say “yes.” And if you’re lucky, you’ll find people who will say “yes” back.

Now will saying “yes” get you in trouble at times? Will saying “yes” lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying “yes” begins things. Saying “yes” is how things grow. Saying “yes” leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say “yes.”

And that’s The Word.

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

Congratulations to the class of 2006. Thank you for the honor of addressing you.

[commencement speech] Bill Watterson @Kenyon college

Speech by Bill Watterson

Kenyon College, Gambier Ohio, to the 1990 graduating class.

SOME THOUGHTS ON THE REAL WORLD BY ONE WHO GLIMPSED IT AND FLED
Bill Watterson
Kenyon College Commencement
May 20, 1990

I have a recurring dream about Kenyon. In it, I’m walking to the postoffice on the way to my first class at the start of the school year. Suddenly it occurs to me that I don’t have my schedule memorized, and I’m not sure which classes I’m taking, or where exactly I’m supposed to be going.
As I walk up the steps to the postoffice, I realize I don’t have my box key, and in fact, I can’t remember what my box number is. I’m certain that everyone I know has written me a letter, but I can’t get them. I get more flustered and annoyed by the minute. I head back to MiddlePath, racking my brains and asking myself, “How many more years until I graduate? …Wait, didn’t I graduate already?? How old AM I?” Then I wake up.

Experience is food for the brain. And four years at Kenyon is a rich meal. I suppose it should be no surprise that your brains will probably burp up Kenyon for a long time. And I think the reason I keep having the dream is because its central image is a metaphor for a good part of life: that is, not knowing where you’re going or what you’re doing.

I graduated exactly ten years ago. That doesn’t give me a great deal of experience to speak from, but I’m emboldened by the fact that I can’tremember a bit of MY commencement, and I trust that in half an hour, you won’t remember of yours either.

In the middle of my sophomore year at Kenyon, I decided to paint a copyof Michelangelo’s “Creation of Adam” from the Sistine Chapelon the ceiling of my dorm room. By standing on a chair, I could reach the ceiling, and I taped off a section, made a grid, and started to copy the picture from my art history book.

Working with your arm over your head is hard work, so a few of my more ingenious friends rigged up a scaffold for me by stacking two chairs on my bed, and laying the table from the hall lounge across the chairs andover to the top of my closet. By climbing up onto my bed and up thechairs, I could hoist myself onto the table, and lie in relative comfort two feet under my painting. My roommate would then hand up my paints,and I could work for several hours at a stretch.

The picture took me months to do, and in fact, I didn’t finish the work until very near the end of the school year. I wasn’t much of a painter then, but what the work lacked in color sense and technical flourish, it gained in the incongruity of having a High Renaissance masterpiece in a college dorm that had the unmistakable odor of old beer cans and older laundry.
The painting lent an air of cosmic grandeur to my room, and it seemed to put life into a larger perspective. Those boring, flowery English poets didn’t seem quite so important, when right above my head God was transmitting the spark of life to man.
My friends and I liked the finished painting so much in fact, that we decided I should ask permission to do it. As you might expect, the housing director was curious to know why I wanted to paint this elaboratepicture on my ceiling a few weeks before school let out. Well, you don’t get to be a sophomore at Kenyon without learning how to fabricate ideas you never had, but I guess it was obvious that my idea was being proposed retroactively. It ended up that I was allowed to paint the picture, so long as I painted over it and returned the ceiling to normal at the end of the year. And that’s what I did.

Despite the futility of the whole episode, my fondest memories of college are times like these, where things were done out of some inexplicable inner imperative, rather than because the work was demanded. Clearly, I never spent as much time or work on any authorized art project, or any poli sci paper, as I spent on this one act of vandalism.

It’s surprising how hard we’ll work when the work is done just for ourselves. And with all due respect to John Stuart Mill, maybe utilitarianism is overrated. If I’ve learned one thing from being acartoonist, it’s how important playing is to creativity and happiness.My job is essentially to come up with 365 ideas a year.
If you ever want to find out just how uninteresting you really are, get a job where the quality and frequency of your thoughts determine your livelihood. I’ve found that the only way I can keep writing every day, year after year, is to let my mind wander into new territories. To do that, I’ve had to cultivate a kind of mental playfulness.

We’re not really taught how to recreate constructively. We need to do more than find diversions; we need to restore and expand ourselves. Our idea of relaxing is all too often to plop down in front of the television set and let its pandering idiocy liquefy our brains. Shuttingoff the thought process is not rejuvenating; the mind is like a carbattery-it recharges by running.
You may be surprised to find how quickly daily routine and the demands of “just getting by: absorb your waking hours. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your politics and religion become matters of habit rather than thought and inquiry. You may be surprised to find how quickly you start to see your life in terms of other people’s expectations rather than issues. You may be surprised to find out how quickly reading a good book sounds like a luxury.

At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world,you’ll have to find the inner motivation to search for new ideas on your own. With any luck at all, you’ll never need to take an idea and squeezea punchline out of it, but as bright, creative people, you’ll be called upon to generate ideas and solutions all your lives. Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
For me, it’s been liberating to put myself in the mind of a fictitious six year-old each day, and rediscover my own curiosity. I’ve been amazedat how one ideas leads to others if I allow my mind to play and wander.I know a lot about dinosaurs now, and the information has helped me out of quite a few deadlines.
A playful mind is inquisitive, and learning is fun. If you indulge your natural curiosity and retain a sense of fun in new experience, I thinkyou’ll find it functions as a sort of shock absorber for the bumpy road ahead.

So, what’s it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don’t recommend it.

I don’t look back on my first few years out of school with much affection, and if I could have talked to you six months ago, I’d have encouraged you all to flunk some classes and postpone this moment as long as possible. But now it’s too late.
Unfortunately, that was all the advice I really had. When I was sittingwhere you are, I was one ofthe lucky few who had a cushy job waiting for me. I’d drawn political cartoons for the Collegian for four years, and the Cincinnati Post had hired me as an editorial cartoonist. All my friends were either dreading the infamous first year of law school, or despondent about their chances of convincing anyone that a history degree had any real application outside of academia.

Boy, was I smug.

As it turned out, my editor instantly regretted his decision to hire me.By the end of the summer, I’d been given notice; by the beginning of winter, I was in an unemployment line; and by the end of my first year away from Kenyon, I was broke and living with my parents again. You can imagine how upset my dad was when he learned that Kenyon doesn’t give refunds.
Watching my career explode on the lauchpad caused some soul searching. I eventually admitted that I didn’t have what it takes to be a good political cartoonist, that is, an interest in politics, and  Ireturned to my firs love, comic strips.
For years I got nothing but rejection letters, and I was forced to accept a real job.

A REAL job is a job you hate. I designed car ads and grocery ads in the windowless basement of a convenience store, and I hated every single minute of the 4-1/2 million minutes I worked there. My fellow prisoner sat work were basically concerned about how to punch the time clock at the perfect second where they would earn another 20 cents without doingany work for it.
It was incredible: after every break, the entirestaff would stand around in the garage where the time clock was, and wait for that last click. And after my used car needed the head gasket replaced twice, I waited in the garage too.

It’s funny how at Kenyon, you take for granted that the people around you think about more than the last episode of Dynasty. I guess that’s what it means to be in an ivory tower.

Anyway, after a few months at this job, I was starved for some life ofthe mind that, during my lunch break, I used to read those poli sci books that I’d somehow never quite finished when I was here. Some ofthose books were actually kind of interesting. It was a rude shock to see just how empty and robotic life can be when you don’t care about what you’re doing, and the only reason you’re there is to pay thebills.
Thoreau said,

“the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”

That’s one of those dumb cocktail quotations that will strike fear in your heart as you get older. Actually, I was leading a life of loud desperation.

When it seemed I would be writing about “Midnite Madness Sale-abrations” for the rest of my life, a friend used to console me that cream always rises to the top. I used to think, so do people who throw themselves into the sea.
I tell you all this because it’s worth recognizing that there is no such thing as an overnight success. You will do well to cultivate the resources in yourself that bring you happiness outside of success or failure. The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when wearrive. At that time, we turn around and say, yes, this is obviously where I was going all along. It’s a good idea to try to enjoy the scenery on the detours, because you’ll probably take a few.

I still haven’t drawn the strip as long as it took me to get the job. To endure five years of rejection to get a job requires either a faith in oneself that borders on delusion, or a love of the work. I loved thework.
Drawing comic strips for five years without pay drove home the point that the fun of cartooning wasn’t in the money; it was in the work. This turned out to be an important realization when my break finally came.

Like many people, I found that what I was chasing wasn’t what I caught.I’ve wanted to be a cartoonist since I was old enough to read cartoons,and I never really thought about cartoons as being a business. It never occurred to me that a comic strip I created would be at the mercy of a blood sucking corporate parasite called a syndicate, and that I’d befaced with countless ethical decisions masquerading as simple business decisions.
To make a business decision, you don’t need much philosophy; all you need is greed, and maybe a little knowledge of how the game works.

As my comic strip became popular, the pressure to capitalize on that popularity increased to the point where I was spending almost as much time screaming at executives as drawing. Cartoon merchandising is a $12billion dollar a year industry and the syndicate understandably wanted a piece of that pie. But the more I though about what they wanted to dowith my creation, the more inconsistent it seemed with the reasons I draw cartoons.
Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in.Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.
The so-called “opportunity” I facedwould have meant giving up my individual voice for that of a money-grubbing corporation. It would have meant my purpose in writingwas to sell things, not say things. My pride in craft would be sacrificed to the efficiency of mass production and the work o fassistants. Authorship would become committee decision. Creativity would become work for pay. Art would turn into commerce. In short, money was supposed to supply all the meaning I’d need.
What the syndicate wanted to do, in other words, was turn my comic strip into everything calculated, empty and robotic that I hated about my old job. They would turn my characters into television hucksters and T-shirt sloganeers and deprive me of characters that actually expressed my own thoughts.

On those terms, I found the offer easy to refuse. Unfortunately, the syndicate also found my refusal easy to refuse, and we’ve been fightingfor over three years now. Such is American business, I guess, where the desire for obscene profit mutes any discussion of conscience.
You will find your own ethical dilemmas in all parts of your lives, both personal and professional. We all have different desires and needs, but if we don’t discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for,we will live passively and unfulfilled. Sooner or later, we are all asked to compromise ourselves and the things we care about. We define ourselves by our actions. With each decision, we tell ourselves and the world who we are. Think about what you want out of this life, and recognize that there are many kinds of success.
Many of you will be going on to law school, business school, medical school, or other graduate work, and you can expect the kind of starting salary that, with luck, will allow you to pay off your own tuition debts within your own life time.

But having an enviable career is one thing, and being a happy person is another.

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it’s to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential-as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.
You’ll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never besatisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you’re doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you’ll hear about them.

To invent your own life’s meaning is not easy, but it’s still allowed,and I think you’ll be happier for the trouble.
Reading those turgid philosophers here in these remote stone buildings may not get you a job, but if those books have forced you to ask yourself questions about what makes life truthful, purposeful, meaningful, and redeeming, you have the Swiss Army Knife of mental tools, and it’s going to come in handy all the time.

I think you’ll find that Kenyon touched a deep part of you. These have been formative years. Chances are, at least of your roommates has taught you everything ugly about human nature you ever wanted to know.
With luck, you’ve also had a class that transmitted a spark of insight or interest you’d never had before. Cultivate that interest, and you may find a deeper meaning in your life that feeds your soul and spirit. Your preparation for the real world is not in the answers you’ve learned, but in the questions you’ve learned how to ask yourself.
Graduating fromKenyon, I suspect you’ll find yourselves quite well prepared indeed.
I wish you all fulfillment and happiness. Congratulations on your achievement.
Bill Watterson

놈놈놈을 본 후

영화 놈놈놈 보고 나서 참담한 이 마음을 어찌 달랠까.  분한 마음을 못 참고 회사 동료 가형 대리님한테 “대체 눈이 어디 달렸길래 이딴 영화를 추천한 거에요! 크앙” 라고 문자 보내볼까 생각도 해봤지만 “정우성 넘 멋지지 않아? +_+” 할 것 같아 나의 동지를 찾아 인터넷으로.  얼마 안되서 주연급 배우들 나온 디워다, 영혼이 없다 등등 악평이 속속히 드러난다. 또 다시 한번 마음이 착 가라앉는다.  nhn (네이버)라는 인터넷 회사에 다닌답시고 놈놈놈을 검색해보지도 않는 나는 과연 회사 다닐 자격이 있는 것일까? 영화 하나 잘못 고른 것 때뭉네 직장 동료에 대한 믿음에 자신의 직업관까지 흔들리다니 뉘집 아들인지 몰라도 참 잘되는 꼬라지다.

크레딧이 올라가면서 ‘대체 영화가 전하고자 하던 메세지가 무엇일까?’

what I am fighting for

what are you really fighting for?

3차 지리산 원정대

지난주 주말에 (2008.07.13~14) 지리산 갔다. 17대 총학 멤버 중 일부와 2004, 06, 08년 세번에 걸쳐서 단지 막걸리와 빙어 튀김을 먹기 위해서 몇시간씩 운전하면서 지리산 밑자락 계곡까지 간다.  남들이 그토록 어디 놀러가자고 해도 꿈쩍 한번 안하던 로얄 엉덩이를 이 때만은 – 찌는 여름, 1박 2일, 남자끼리, 단지 먹기 위해서 – 움직인다.

일단 자기소개 시작부터….

나 이뻐? /묭묭 고명준, 파파 스머프 성우형

하아... 못볼 것 봐버렸다... /배둘레햄 영하

이게(담배) 소시였으면... /소시빠 혜성

무너진 금연 /모기 영목이

36pt 궁서체 좆티가 아쉽다 /자세 좋아 신종호

여행 내내 사진 찍느라 바뻤던 /엉뚱 재민

인간 피사의 사탑 /성우형, 묭, 혜성, 영하, 영목, 종호형,재민

Characters, why are they so important?

“I look to find my book as I go along. Plot comes last. I want a conception of my characters that’s deep enough so that they will get me to places where I, as the author, have to live by my wits. That means my characters must keep developing. So long as they stay alive, the plot will take care of itself. Working on a book where the plot is already fully developed is like spending the rest of your life filling holes in rotten teeth when you have no skill as a dentist.”

Norman Mailer

1923-2007

The art of dramatic writing에서 재차 강조하는 것이 premise와 character인데 Norman Mailer 또한 character의 중요성을 재차 강조한다. Character로 하여금 자연스럽게 plot을 끌어나갈 수 있도록 뿌리가 깊은 캐릭터를 만들자, 안 그러면 6년째 연애중 꼴난다.

Are you phit(fit)? If not, you ought to be.

한동안 발길 끊었던 헬스장을 재방문하니 못보던 기구 -’인간공학적’으로 설계 된 쇳덩이 이중 도르레-가 보인다. 반복적이고 지루한 작업을 수행할 때 불평을 덜 느끼도록 배려해주는 댓가로 도르레를 ‘인간공학적 디자인’이라 칭하고 200만원 이상 쳐준다고 하니 뭔가 끼림직하다.

일부는 몸매를 가꿀 목적으로 헬스 시작하고 일부는 암벽 등반과 같은 취미를 목적으로 근육 강화 프로그램을 수행하기도 하지만 목적을 막론하고 자신의 의지에 따라 근육을 제어하는 것 (그리고 식단 조절) 헬스의 가장 기초인 것 같다. 나 자신의 경우 지방과 달리 순전히 자신의 의지에 따라 근육을 통제할 수 있음에 – 최근 들어 내 의지대로 되는 일이 점점 줄고 있는데 근육은 아직까지 내 의지대로 움직여준다 – 안도감과 살짝 쾌감을 느끼고 있다. 나는 이와 같은 맥락으로 엉뚱한 근육을 사용하더라도 잘하고 있는듯한 착각을 불러일으키는 헬스 기구보다 free weights를 선호하는 편이다. Free weights는 나의 잘못된 자세를 취했을 때 이를 적나라하게 보여주며 어떤 근육을 가꿀 것이며 무엇을 잠시 제껴둘 것인가 선택의 여지를 남겨놓기 때문에 즐겁다.

[premise] possibilities

연극을 쓰는데 있어서 가장 중요한 두가지를 꼽아보라면 전제와 전제를 현실화 시킬 인물을 들 수 있다. 이 때 인물은 탄탄한 스토리를 끌어갈만큼 강인한 인물였으면 좋겠어. 힘줄 울긋 불긋한 아놀드 슈와츠네거나 밭 갈다가 애 숭풍 낳고 다시 일하는 대지 주인공 왕룽 아내같은 캐릭터 말고 삶 자체에 대해 애착을 갖는 강인한 캐릭터를 그리고 싶어. 그래서 캐릭터 안에 심어진 씨앗과 씨앗을 덮은 흙 사이의 끊임없는 사투를 무대 위로 -무대는 삶의 일부가 아니라, 삶의 정수를 표현하는 느낌으로- 끌어내고 싶어. 그러기 위해서는 관객으로 하여금 그 사람의 행동, 라이프스타일이 설사 관객 개개인과 동의하지 않더라도 애착을 가질 수 있을만한 근거를 제시할 수 있어야 해. 연극을 끌고 앞으로 나갈 정도로 설득력 있는 전제와 캐릭터를 마련하기 위해서는 특별히 새로운 이론보다 내 주변에서 찾을 수 있으며 내가 굳세게 믿는 전제가 가장 가능성이 높으리라 판단해.

그렇다면 우선 첫번째 시범 케이스로 캐릭터로서 [자신을 속이는 자] 를 주제로 한 어떠한 전제를 생각해볼 수 있을까?

1. ineffective decision making for the fear of being portrayed as an aggressor or as an attempt to please everyone in the room is an act of fooling of oneself, ultimately leading upto destruction. 처음에는 자신을 속인다는 인식이 뚜렷하게 있었으나 이를 반복함에 따라서 무엇이 자신이고 무엇이 이미지인지 분간되지 않아서 “내 자신도 내가 뭘 원하는지 모르겠어” 식의 뒤늦은 탄식? 이 것은 단지 static conflict를 겪고 있는 즉, 이도 저도 하지 않는 답답한 캐릭터이므로 진행할 껀덕지가 없어보인다.

2. unprincipled goodness is not only of no use but unprincipled one usually strays off to the dark side. 촛불 사례를 보아도 그렇고, 막연하게 “착해야 한다”고 생각하는 사람은 정작 악과 대결해야하는 순간에 무너지는 경우를 종종 볼 수 있다. 그리고는 악에 대항하기 위해서 나 역시 악해져야한다는 생각에 극단적으로 변하는 경우가 있다.

3. inconvenient confrontation is essential ot the promotion of good outcome 이거 역시 약해, inconvenient confrontation을 통해서 캐릭터는 발전하는 것은 좋은 연극을 쓰기 위해서 당연한 절차이지 전제가 될 수 없어.

4. Contemporary society reserves no place for true intellectuals. Therefore, those intellectuals unwilling to push forward their ideas by instilling them in real life are shallow leftists, who become part of problems of society – stagnation (getting nowhere). 키보드 워리어는 물론, 지서인의 역할 자체를 다시 한번 돌이켜 볼 때 이들의 물질적 부재가 사회를 끌어내리는 족쇄가 된다.

5. altering one’s behavior radically as an escape from heartbreak, stress are acts equivalent of fooling oneself and thus only temporary by definition. Elongated ‘vacation’ will not only confuse and hurt others, it will come back to haunt you. Therefore, stay true to yourself despite all adversaries. Life is an experiment; work/improve on the methods based on the results, not the other way around. 삶을 실패할 수 없다는 판단하에 조작하는 수 많은 이들에게 보내고 싶은 메세지.

6. Treat the media like shit – the shit it deserves.What happens to an well-intentioned and yet, misinformed and stupid citizen?

Initiative #1 편을 끝내기 앞서서 희극을 쓰는데 있어서 촌철살인 멘트가 작품 전체를 휘어잡지 않도록 – 지나치게 잘 만든 손이 작품 전체를 지배할 것을 두려워하여 손을 도끼로 과감하게 잘라낸 로댕을 떠올리면서 – 항상 기억하도록 하자: No part is greater than the whole.

또한 연극은 premise – character – conflict (unity of opposites)로 이뤄짐을 잊지 않도록